How do you make a set of bagpipes sound beautiful?
Sell them and buy a saxophone.

What’s the difference between bagpipes and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What’s the best thing to play the bagpipes with?
A razor blade.

How can you end up with a million dollars from playing bagpipes?
Start with two million.


What do you call a bagpipes player with a beeper and a cellular phone?
An optimist.

Did you know the Irish invented the bagpipes as a joke?
The Scots haven't got it yet.